What a first joint session is like

Sitting in a room with someone you are in conflict with is a lot to ask. It helps to know what will happen. Here is a gentle walk through a first joint session with us.

Before anyone speaks

You will each have had a short chat with us beforehand. So when you arrive, nothing about the day is a surprise. We will welcome you both, show you where to sit and explain how the time will run. It is also a chance to ask any last questions before we begin.

We will go through a few simple ground rules. Each person speaks in turn, and nobody is interrupted. Either of you can ask for a break at any point, and we will stop straight away.

Many people tell us the first ten minutes are the hardest. After that the room usually feels a little easier. We will not rush you through it.

How the conversation unfolds

Each of you will get time to say what matters to you. You don’t have to speak perfectly, and you don’t have to agree with what you hear. Listening is not the same as giving in. You may feel a strong reaction to something you hear, and that is normal.

Ruth or Tomas will keep things steady. We might sum up what we have heard, ask a gentle question or offer a pause. Our job is to help the two of you talk, not to decide who is right. If a topic feels too big, we can set it aside and come back.

Then we will start to list what needs sorting out. Some things may be small and practical, and others may be heavier. We tackle them one at a time, in an order that feels fair to each of you.

How it ends

Not everything has to be settled in one session. Some people leave with a few small agreements, and others leave with a clearer sense of what to talk about next. Both are useful outcomes. There is no test to pass and no right way to feel.

Before you go, we will check what each of you is happy to take away. That might be a note of what was said, a task to think about or a time for another meeting. Nothing is written down as an agreement unless you both want it to be. You can also ask for time to think before agreeing to anything.

We don’t give legal advice, and you are free to talk with a lawyer at any stage. You can also step away from mediation whenever you choose.

Come as you are, and we will take it one step at a time.